Letters to a lover (4)

When I think of all that's happened this summer, it feels like a dream. Like I'm going to wake up now any second and find out that it's the 6th of April. And that I haven't received the message I did that morning. That none of this ever took place. That I'm still a loser. That I still have only one person to call a friend who I barely Trust. That I'm still just a fat, ugly friendless nobody. That I never really gave my heart away. Cause I never really had one to begin with. Because it was torn into shreds ages ago. I used to think that I did a lot of stuff, knew a lot of people, that I was at least somewhat important. But then, I got to know you. And now, it's as if my life before you had no sense. I was just existing. Waiting. Waiting for you to come in like a gust of wind and give me the breath of life that I've been wanting for far too long. You made me feel alive for the first time since I was but a babe. When I'm with you, it's as if I'll never need alcohol or drugs or anything. Just breathing the same air as you can get me high. With you by my side, I feel as if I can touch the colours around me the same way I can touch your skin. I try and touch you as much as I can. Save it in my memory. I constantly fear that what we have might just disappear somehow, someday. And I'd rather not take chances. I take in your essence. As much as is humanly possible. So I can survive till the next time we meet. Barely.
I memorise all the bumps and curves and ridges and Depressions. The slight roughness of your palms. The smooth skin of your arms and torso. The scratchy,ticklish hair above your lips and on your chin. the stubble of hair as I move lower to a region that's been shaved recently. I drink in your sweet ,minty taste.I breathe in your musky scent. I've created a folder in my mind. And everything that is you is stored there. With a backup in my heart.